So I won’t lie. Couples Counseling is my least favorite part of my job…honestly, it makes me crazy. Which is why of course, I have a fabulous Marriage Counselor to whom I refer them. But I really like Relationship Counseling. Because its human psychology and I think it’s cool until it involves my own marriage of course…But here is my Snapchat shot on Relationships.

Ladies it never fails that when my biggest client calls or my best friend who’s had a horrible day and needs to talk,all the sudden, my children want to have a conversation with me LOUDLY at that exact moment. So I do what every woman does, I put my finger up in the air, snap a couple of times, make a serious face, put my other finger in my ear as I make my mad escape behind the John Deere in the backyard shed..that’s my spot for the moment. You have to switch it up..or they will find you.

Guys my husband has a mistress her name is Lois but it’s pronounced Lowe’s. Every Saturday morning, Todd wakes up and says I am headed to see Lois..and he leaves with a list but it never fails he forgot to get a drill bit and oh he actually needs some wood and stain as well. So he spends all day driving back and forth to see his girlfriend, Lois aka Lowe’s.

This is the difference between men and women except I have reversed it.

Men are like waffles, women like spaghetti. The man’s brain thinks like a waffle looks. There are a bunch of compartments that are completely separated from the other. Women are like spaghetti everything is intertwined and all tangled together. So for instance, ladies when your man is watching t.v…fyi.. it doesn’t matter if it’s the Ironbowl or The Simpsons he is in his zone the same way I was with my “important” phone call. He doesn’t hear  what you are saying. Why? Because Men compartmentalized everything. They can’t be watching t.v and actively listening at the same time. Just like  how I was hiding behind the lawnmower to listen to my best friend. I couldn’t do both. Guys we are just like your Saturday at Lowe’s but not on just Saturday’s but 24/7 non stop!!

Basically, these two images represent the typical way men and women process their surroundings, their lives. Men are more compartmentalized. This is not to say simple or easy, but each aspect of their life goes into a box. Men enter these boxes one at a time, size up a problem (if any), and seek to solve it immediately. Men are problem solvers by nature. They have work, children, wives/partners, dogs, hobbies, chores…all in separate “boxes.”

Women, on the other hand, are very different. We process everything by touching everything else. It’s much more of a process. Everything is connected. While at work, we can think of home or shopping. We’re more relational, and can tend to be much better at multi-tasking as a result of out ability to process this way. We will often catch guys in one of their “blank boxes” and ask them, “What are you thinking?” The blank stare we get is the truth!

Communication, as you can imagine, between the two is challenging. A woman will come home from work, and when asked about her day, she can say, “It went fine. I got an email from Susan….the cancer’s back. Oh, we need to go to the grocery store and get shampoo and conditioner. Did you pick up David from practice? We should send a thank-you letter to the Johnson’s for dinner last night, too.”

The man, poor soul, is scrambling! Trying to enter the friend box, then the grocery box, then the children box….it’s a mess. Often, if a man feels like the communication box with their significant other is too challenging, they avoid it.  The man would prefer the woman to say, “Can we talk at commercial, or when you get through building your cornhole set can we talk.?” Then they enter the box and both people are on the same wavelength.
It’s not that we don’t want to communicate better with our partners it’s that we don’t understand how each other think. We are different which is why we are attracted to each other. Take a step back next time girls and ask your self is he in a box right now? If so,ask him DURING COMMERCIAL if you can discuss something with him when his t.v show is over…

Guys I get it. Listening to us is like riding a rollercoaster sometimes. No we may not have a structured beginning or end to our constant stream of thoughts but if you would say “Baby, I want to really hear about your day. Can we sit on the porch after dinner so I can give you my full attention.” Or if we say something nut brain crazy in response..just smile, give us a kiss, and tell us we are cute. That never fails.

 

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The CLR Counseling Group

2102 Cahaba Rd Suite E
Mountain Brook, AL 35223

chesieroberts@gmail.com
205-835-7173

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