I have countless parents coming in for help and advice on what to do about their terrible teen..and I say the same thing every time you are not alone..they are all terrible teens.

I won’t lie. You guys are starting to freak me out a little bit. I have two girls 9 and 11 yrs old..so I am seeing my future flash before my eyes.

I know it’s super hard work. I hear you loud and clear. It’s a Mental Olympics 24/7 and your competition just so happens to have way more brain cells and energy than you.

But guess what? You are the boss. You know best. Always.

Repeat after me..You are the Boss.

The parents that come for help and see me are absolutely wonderful, caring, and loving families. They just need help.

They are exhausted and worn down by “The New Boss of The House”…If your teen is sending you over the deep end keep reading….

Parents with perfect teenagers..if you exist.. great job! Pray for the other 90% of us struggling.

For the rest of us read on for some tips on how to be the Boss again…

Tip #1

Arguing with a teenager is like throwing gasoline on a bon fire. Any negative engagement with a teenager is going to get you no where. You can expect to hear the words “I HATE YOU!!” and most likely a loud door slamming from somewhere in or outside of your house.

Here is the short and free explanation of why teenagers can’t regulate their emotions the way adults can. It’s biological.

When they get mad they just scream and want to hit something.

Here is a tip..If your teenager wants to do something and you say ” No you can’t tonight you have homework.” No mater what they say, do or plead, stick with your decision and DO NOT LET THEM WIN.

Okay, I know your saying but what am I suppose do when Susie is talking back to me and tells me she is going to live….. wait for IT….. at her >>>.”Dad’s House, Friends House, Birth Mother’s House”, whatever gets YOUR goat Mom or Dad that’s those extra brain cells  you are competing with trying to win this battle…

Bottom line. When you say No. Do not say anything else. If they say  “But everyone else gets to hang at Billy’s house with no parents or why can’t I ride in the car with my sixteen yr. old boyfriend?  I am 14 yrs old!

This is what you say….if you go off this script yo will always lose to the new boss of your house. Do you hear me!!!!

In order for this technique to work you have to commit with your inital decision of yes or no. So I advise you to say “give me 10 minutes to think about it, honey”..and think about it.

If your answer is No… Then you can NOT change your mind EVER. Hold a power stance and do not explain your reasoning or engage in any form of conversation..remember

The conversation is not complete until your child turns their back and stomps away first and most likely says ” I hate you and slams  door.”

You know you have won this battle once this happens. Do not argue with your children. You are right. Nothing left to talk about. 

Here is a practice script:

Susie: “Hey Mom, Billy is on his way to pick me up to go the mall with some friends.”

Mom: “Excuse me?” Um, no mam. “You are in trouble for your past 9 weeks grades you will stay home on the weekdays till you get them up. I informed you of that yesterday!”

Susie: You don’t think I am smart at all! The only reason my grades look bad is because Ms. Wilson never keeps up with our new test scores..they are way old..In fact I took a test today and I got a 100%.”

Mom: “The answer is no.”

Susie: “You do this ALL the time to me. I hate you!”

Mom: “I love you, but the answer is No.”

At this point you just say “No.” Take a soft stance and be very casual and just say “No.” to every statement they make regardless of the anger and cheap MEAN shots they hit you with. They are genius’ at doing this by the way..

Your second “No” should be at a lower level or Octave than your first. The third “No” you say should be even more controled and low. Everytime your teen raises their voice decrease yours till you are at the point of staring and say nothing. This is actually really satisfying if you win because they stomp off and YOU ARE STILL THE BOSS!

Stayed tune for Part Two…of Who’s the Boss?

Speak Your Mind

*

 

The CLR Counseling Group

2102 Cahaba Rd Suite E
Mountain Brook, AL 35223

chesieroberts@gmail.com
205-835-7173

Send Us a Message